Charlie Sheen, pictured here with a bottle of “Tiger Blood”.
The great, Charlie Sheen, begins his 20 city tour around the United States tonight. Not much is known about the general topic of Sheen’s tour, however, it is apparently titled: “:Charlie Sheen: Violent Torpedo of Truth/Defeat is Not an Option”.
Many are assuming that Sheen will just get up on the stage and wing it, however, no one knows what exactly he has in mind.
His shows are sure to amass crowds of cocaine addicts and warlocks selling tiger blood that will gather in th streets outside the theathers.
This is obviously going to be a “sucessful disaster”, reason being, it will be sucessful in that it will draw many customers and obviously garner a large sum of profit, however, Sheen most likely will just go up on stage and ramble about nothing in peticular, and therefore his shows can be assumed to be very chaotic and crazy.
Justin Bieber, idol to millions of screaming, rabid, teenage girls, is soon to team up with comedian and actor Ashton Kutcher to star in a buddy film titled, “What Would Kenny Do?”. Bieber will be in the role of the 17-year old version of Kutcher’s character. (Source: Examiner.com Article) Really? Seriously? First Bieber launches a sucessful attempt to take over the world, and now he’s starring in buddy films with comedians? What has this world come to?
I mean, is the infamous Bieber-fever really acceptable. Did you know that Justin Bieber was threatened arrest by the Liverpool police if he exited his hotel room, because of the fear that his precessence would start riots among the leagues of crazed, lunatic, fans amassing in the streets outside his hotel:
The teen pop star was reportedly trapped in his luxury suite earlier today after a legion of screaming ‘Belieblers’ descended on his hotel. The 17-year-old and his entourage were said to have been warned by authorities to stay away from the balcony to greet the gathered “Beliebers” or face being arrested on the spot for inciting a riot. –News.com.au Article
Riots. Bieber is starting riots. Should it really be okay if the majority of our society worships this menace?
Britney Spear’s is attempting to make a worldwide comeback this year, with the release of her new album Femme Fatale. However, her plans to take over the world once more could be foiled.
Spears’ performence did not live up to the standard set by her previous live shows. As we all know, Britney does not sing. It is physically impossible for her to sing. If she did, a gaping hole would appear in the space time continuim, leading to mass chaos on more than a global scale. Think about. Anyway, Britney relies on lip syncing to do her work for her, but the thing that makes her live shows great is the stunning choreography.
However, this choreography was clearly not present in her performence that aired on Good Morning America yesterday. Her moves were unimpressive, drab, and unemotional. She lacked the power that made her past performances stand out.
Looks like Britney isn’t taking over the world anytime soon.
As we all now know, Barrack Obama, President of the United States, is amidst a conspiracy involving the questioning of Obama’s elligebillity for office. According to the About.com analysis,
The forwarded email asserts that because Obama’s Kenyan father wasn’t a U.S. citizen, and because his mother, who was a citizen, didn’t fulfill the supposed legal requirement of “resid[ing] in the United States for at least ten years, at least five of which had to be after the age of 16,” Obama himself was therefore not a citizen at birth.
However, this claim is at fault on two accounts. One, contrary to popular belief, Obama was actually born in Honolulu, Hawaii, which has been a US state since August 21, 1959, two years prior to the birth of Obama. And two, the alleged legal requirement only applied to citizens outside of the United States. However, some still argrue that Obama is not a “natural-born” citizen, because both his parents are not United States citizens. However, the definition of “natural-born” is not exactly certain:
Article II of the U.S. Constitution indeed specifies that only natural-born citizens are eligible for the office of the presidency:
No Person except a natural born Citizen, or a Citizen of the United States, at the time of the Adoption of this Constitution, shall be eligible to the Office of President; neither shall any person be eligible to that Office who shall not have attained to the Age of thirty five Years, and been fourteen Years a Resident within the United States.
Though the term “natural-born citizen” was left undefined by the Framers of the Constitution, it was broadly understood in English common law at the time as referring to one who possesses citizenship by virtue of the circumstances of their birth. That’s still the general meaning of the phrase as it’s used today.
The distinction between “natural born” and “native born” is not universally accepted by Constitutional scholars as a crucial one, however. Short of a Supreme Court decision or legislative statute settling the matter, it remains but one way of interpreting a longstanding legal ambiguity concerning the eligibility clause. There are other interpretations, most notably that found in an analysis of Republican presidential candidate John McCain’s standing as a natural-born citizen conducted by former U.S. Solicitor General Theodore Olson and Constitutional law professor Laurence Tribe in 2008. In their view — “based on the original meaning of the Constitution, the Framers’ intentions, and subsequent legal precedent,” they wrote — either the fact of birth on U.S. soil or the fact of birth to parents who are U.S. citizens is independently sufficient to confer natural born status.
Therefore, Obama is indeed elligible for his current position.
In other apects of this conspiracy, Adolf Hitler was informed of Obama’s supposed non-citizenship in a YouTube video (above). He was subsequently enraged, as usual. This video is just one of many “Downfall Parody” videos, as they use scenes from the movie Downfall and replace the subtitles with humourous things.
I was recently introduced to a very interesting video, called Drinking Out of Cups. This is a video in which an audio recording of a man high off of acid (LSD) . The man had apparently locked himself in a closet, and proceeded to “drop acid”. His comrades later recorded his loud, obnoxious rants, and set them to an animation, in which they attempted to depict what their friend was experiencing. As far as I’m concerned, they did quite a good job.
LSD can distort perceptions of reality and produce hallucinations; the effects can be frightening and cause panic. It is sold as tablets, capsules, liquid, or on absorbent paper. LSD produces unpredictable psychological effects, with “trips” lasting about 12 hours. With large enough doses, users experience delusions and hallucinations. Physical effects include increased body temperature, heart rate, and blood pressure; sleeplessness; and loss of appetite. In 2009, 779,000 Americans age 12 and older had abused LSD at least once in the year prior to being surveyed.
Now, taking this information into consideration, it is blatantly obvious why the man was ranting about “bossa nova”, and “Captain Knots”. I mean, don’t get me wrong, this video is absolutely hilarious, but seriously, LSD screws you up! Just look at this excerpt from the transcript of Drinking Out of Cups:
Lighthouses rule. You don’t like the lighthouse? You suck. What is this, the Seashorse Captain? The Seahorse Seashell Party? Who didn’t invite me?
Why didn’t I get invited to the Seahorse Seahell. What is this? Get real. I’m in love with sea horses. I’m in love with them, they’re so beautiful and cute, I’m in love with seahorses.
They’re fucking unreal, I love them. They’re like all the clocks. I love them. I love seashores, and I love looking at ‘em, and I love seashells. I love seashell things. I love things with seashells and seahorses on ‘em.
Like blankets.
And towels.
And little bags.
I love ‘em.
